How high is you laundry pile? This is all clean! I have a pile equal to that in the basement dirty lol. Needless to say the neighbor girl is coming to help fold! Thanks to the $20.00 I found in the wash!

Last night! While YOU were sleeping!

What's a mom got to do to get some sleep around here? Hubs is snoring like an elephant the dog is farting so bad I might be sick! I didn't know what this stupid dog ate today! Oh and when the hubs stops snoring I think he is dead and it scares me. Can't win tonight, better luck tomorrow.

I took vacation time to clean my house???

So this is it I confess my ability to be a housewife, mother, and full time employee sucks. Cobwebs have become a familiar sign that I am indeed home. I can’t remember the last time I saw my laundry room floor. The buffet that some use to entertain now a collector for bills, toys, cell phone charges... I knew I was a hot mess when the neighbor came over and I realized that the box of condoms I bought (because I would probably loose a baby in this disaster) was sitting on the living room shelf waiting to take a trip to the bedroom (classy). So I had a great idea I would take the week off and get my shit together. Happy vacation to me! My friend always has a neat and orderly house even when I pop in for a visit. Now why can’t I do that? Let’s see who o I can blame this on? This disaster can’t be my fault. The Husband: Loving, kind, fair, loyal, and lazy. Child: Loving, kind, sassy, sticky, and a human tornado. Mom: Sassy, tired, tired, and tired.

So vacation day one started off with a bang! Husband took child to preschool mom watched True Blood and drank coffee and just when I was starting to get motivated to move my ass…..the phone rings!

Husband: Honey

Me: What’s up?

Husband: Did you call in my prescription?

Me: Just about to, why?

Husband: I’m not feeling so good have been without it for a couple of days think I’m having withdraw.

Me: Really? (Sarcastically) Ok I will call go pick it up at 10:30 and meet you for lunch.

Ok here I go call the prescription in, get a shower, get dressed, finding bra (that’s key), secure dog, pick up script, and go to his office building. Now standing in line for security place purse on scanner and warning…warning….

Sheriff’s officer: Mama you seem to have something in your purse.

Me: Really?

Officer: Yes a rather large metal pair of scissors.

Me: Oh, shit!! Sorry sir I cut the gogurt tops off in the morning when I take my daughter to preschool.

Ok now this sounded like a reasonable explanation in my head at the time. I was waiting for him to arrest me or something as I watch him riffle though my bag tampons, pads, and husband’s meds. The officer than pulled out a very sharp, very large pair of scissors out. I look behind me and every lawyer in town was standing behind me in line. OMG, can I have the scissors so I can stab myself I would rather die from that than embarrassment. Fortunately when it was all said and done I did not get arrested but I did lose one nice pair of scissors : (

By the time I get home its 1:45and now I have lost all motivation to do anything. So I sit and start to watch the Today show that I recorded because I had to see True Blood.


Point of the story: This mess can’t be my fault!!! ; )

And

It’s only Monday!!!