So this is it I confess my ability to be a housewife, mother, and full time employee sucks. Cobwebs have become a familiar sign that I am indeed home. I can’t remember the last time I saw my laundry room floor. The buffet that some use to entertain now a collector for bills, toys, cell phone charges... I knew I was a hot mess when the neighbor came over and I realized that the box of condoms I bought (because I would probably loose a baby in this disaster) was sitting on the living room shelf waiting to take a trip to the bedroom (classy). So I had a great idea I would take the week off and get my shit together. Happy vacation to me! My friend always has a neat and orderly house even when I pop in for a visit. Now why can’t I do that? Let’s see who o I can blame this on? This disaster can’t be my fault. The Husband: Loving, kind, fair, loyal, and lazy. Child: Loving, kind, sassy, sticky, and a human tornado. Mom: Sassy, tired, tired, and tired.
So vacation day one started off with a bang! Husband took child to preschool mom watched True Blood and drank coffee and just when I was starting to get motivated to move my ass…..the phone rings!
Husband: Honey
Me: What’s up?
Husband: Did you call in my prescription?
Me: Just about to, why?
Husband: I’m not feeling so good have been without it for a couple of days think I’m having withdraw.
Me: Really? (Sarcastically) Ok I will call go pick it up at
Ok here I go call the prescription in, get a shower, get dressed, finding bra (that’s key), secure dog, pick up script, and go to his office building. Now standing in line for security place purse on scanner and warning…warning….
Sheriff’s officer: Mama you seem to have something in your purse.
Me: Really?
Officer: Yes a rather large metal pair of scissors.
Me: Oh, shit!! Sorry sir I cut the gogurt tops off in the morning when I take my daughter to preschool.
Ok now this sounded like a reasonable explanation in my head at the time. I was waiting for him to arrest me or something as I watch him riffle though my bag tampons, pads, and husband’s meds. The officer than pulled out a very sharp, very large pair of scissors out. I look behind me and every lawyer in town was standing behind me in line. OMG, can I have the scissors so I can stab myself I would rather die from that than embarrassment. Fortunately when it was all said and done I did not get arrested but I did lose one nice pair of scissors : (
By the time I get home its
Point of the story: This mess can’t be my fault!!! ; )
And
It’s only Monday!!!
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